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Katniss Everdean

Chris and I went to see the final Hunger Games movie Friday night. As I was watching it, I thought to myself, wow I am just like Katniss Everdean. Katniss is a strong gal who has been through a lot. Katniss doesn't get how great she is. People are doing everything they can to keep her alive, and helping her on her journey, and she just doesn't get why people are so nice to her, she feels like she doesn't deserve it. I feel the same way. In all honesty,I really do not like myself. I have this bad vision of who I am. I dislike so much about me. I try my best to put on a show, and full face a makeup and act like I am so confident in myself maybe even sometimes it comes off as cocky. I don't like my face, my body, and my brain. I have made many mistakes in life before I got married and for the longest time I thought The Lord was punishing me with infertility because of my mistakes I committed in the past. I felt like I didn't deserve to me a mom, I hated myself for it. After years I have finally come to realize that he is NOT punishing me, he is not like that, he loves me, and wants me to wait for A REASON, and I am ok with that now. I hid my infertility for years, I was so embarrassed. Only recently have I become more open about my struggle to have kids. I am willing to talk to  mostly anyone about my struggles and not cry about it or shut down. Recently we have been blessed beyond measure. Mama Jo has been so kind to us and has helped us out so much. Infertility treatments are so expensive, but money has not been an issue with us during this time. I had to take an HSG test where they filled my uterus with dye to see if there is any blockage. The hospital quoted me $1,500 so I ended up going to a radiology center instead, which quoted me around $500. Our insurance does not cover ANY infertility stuff. So we were prepared to pay for the test in full. Last week, we got the bill in the mail, and OUR INSURANCE COVERED IT! Oh my goodness it was a miracle. After I thought, WHY are these good things happening to us? I don't deserve this, I am a terrible person. We have had the kindest people in our lives, friends who listen to me, who fast for us, who talk to me, I just don't get why people have been so nice to me, I don't like myself, why should someone else? That's where I am getting at with Katniss Everdean, All her friends are trying to save her and keep her alive, and she thinks she doesn't deserve it. I am blessed to have people love me and  be so kind to me in life, because I am a very sensitive person with sensitive feelings and I don't like myself.  My husband constantly reminds me how great I am, and I don't listen. My anti-depressants have helped some, I am trying my best, I hope one day I will love my self enough and believe all the things my husband tells me.

This is me trying to be like Katniss

Friday night dinner was a combined effort. Chris made the steaks, and I made the potatoes. Sometimes you just need a juicy steak and a creamy potato, Like my steak? When I bought it I didn't realize it was so small...

Saturday morning I went to Zumba, It was a St Patrick's Day fundraiser benefiting the animal shelter. I shook my booty and got a good sweat on a Saturday morning. In the afternoon I headed over to the Family History center to do some homework. Gun shops were shopped at, ammo was bought, and I found the most amazing shirt by Smith & Wesson that says Gun Gal on it. I love it, its perfect since I shoot a Smith & Wesson for competition. 



Once and a while Mama Jo and her hunk of love go and get carnita's at what she calls "skanky Mexican restaurants" These places are just holes in the wall, but they make the most amazing food ever. We went out with a bang on Saturday for our LAST TIME!! It was so sad and heartbreaking. After that, the Johanson's took the party to their house for banana splits, maybe I will loose weight once Mama Jo moves. Mama Jo and I served in young women's at church for years. One of our Beehives is currently serving a LDS mission right now. We all grew particularly close. Since Trystan left for her mission I printed out a picture of her, and tapped it on a stick. We now take her picture around with us and send them to her. She thinks its funny, and I think it's hilarious. So, Trystan joined our party, and other friends were there. It was a good time and I am going to miss that family terribly to pieces. When we left the party, I accidentally took Mama Jo's phone because it looked like mine. While Chris and I were driving it back I thought it would be funny to take inappropriate pictures on her phone. Chris doesn't think I am funny, but I was dying because I am hilarious. Mama Jo wrote a blog post on my inappropriate non-sense here http://crazycnm.blogspot.com




the picture I took with Mama Jo's phone.





Sunday Chris and I had our St Patrick's Day meal. He made us an Irish stew with Irish soda bread, and of course, it was amazing, because My Christopher is amazing. After dinner I took the pups for a walk, and then did some homework. I took my homework down stairs to be basement and had a swarm of pets around me. The two pups were on my left, and the cat was staring me down on the right. Can I ever be alone? No, they say, never. 



Can you get over this cuteness? Barbecue I can't



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