IVF

I wanted to sit down and write a post about what IVF is, for those wanting to know what Chris and I went through and for those having to go through IVF themselves. I would suppose IVF is your last option for kids. Unless you go the surrogacy route or adoption. We have done many IUI’s, where they put the sperm directly into the uterus, all of them failed, so IVF was our last and final option.  IVF is a very long, hard, emotional, trying process, and I can honestly sit here and tell you it was a piece of cake! Here is one of the best tips I can give you (if you are having to go through IVF yourself) DON’T STRESS! Stress will only make it worse, trust me. I have had some ladies in the TTC community (trying to conceive) ask me what I think I did to make IVF successful, and what I honestly think worked is I was stress-free. I joined an IVF support group on Facebook and I also started an IVF Instagram account to track our journey. Many women who are going through IVF make a special Instagram account, a place where they can track their hurt, pains, and a place for support. What I noticed with some of these women in the support group and IG is that they stress! GIRL, CALM DOWN! This is already a stressful enough situation and you’ll only make it worse if you stress about every little thing,  from the shots, to all the medicine you have to take, all the appointments you have to go to and your levels. I repeat: DON’T STRESS! What helps is having a hobby or something else to do while you are going through IVF. I have shooting and school that helped me through it (also a very supportive husband.) I am a student so having deadlines really helped me not over-think IVF. You will also see many girls using IVF acronyms and you will have NO idea what they mean, and guess what? That’s ok! You don’t need to know all the acronyms (the Dr. doesn’t even use them, at least mine didn’t) and you’re there to get pregnant, not take a test.  I also think you have to be in a special place mentally before you can do something like IVF. Infertility comes in many stages. First you are confused, then you are in denial, then you are angry, pissed, hurt, and then eventually you get to the point where you give up and don’t care, then comes the calm and acceptance. That is where I was before we did IVF. I was in the calm, “whatever happens, happens” it is the Lord’s will, not mine, state.  The angry stage of infertility is the worst. You hate everyone who has a baby, everyone who is pregnant, newlyweds who are pregnant, couples who have a million kids who can’t take care of yet they are pregnant again, anyone on Medicaid who gets pregnant, anyone who is single gets pregnant, any teenager who gets pregnant, you get pissed at baby showers, you get pissed at church, everywhere, there is nowhere to hide from infertility, it all pisses you off. Infertility becomes you, especially when you have been married for 10 years like I have. That is not the stage to be doing IVF. I remember when we were getting ready to do IVF I sat in church during sacrament and I gave it all to God. I told him that I have no control over this situation and I gave it to him to take care of. I told him “let your will be done” and that was it. I was ready to take on IVF.

          Before I start I need you to be aware that IVF makes you fat and emotional. There is no way around not gaining weight, and you have to accept that. You will be taking so many hormones, and they will make you extremely bloated and you will gain weight and you will not be able to control your emotions.

           We started the whole IVF process in December. I first had to go in for a saline ultrasound to see if I had and cysts. It hurt! I remember feeling lots of cramping and crying on the drive home. No cysts and everything looked good. We then went in for the consultation where they lay it all out for you. Our Dr. lives in Utah and only comes up every several months, so we mostly worked with the PA, and she was the absolute best! The PA gave us our calendar and that’s when it got real. The calendar was scary! They calendar tells you everything you have to do and I was scared I was going to miss something ( and I did.) First thing I had to do was start birth control pills for a month before our egg retrieval. Why? I have no idea, I just did what I was told. You also have to do name brand everything, so we were not fortunate enough to do the cheap, couple dollar BC, I had to take the $100 BC. The pharmacy also didn’t have it because who wants to spend $100 on BC when you can take the generic? So the pharmacy called around everywhere and NOONE had it. So we called the clinic and they let me have the generic until the name brand came in ($100 later.)

          Both Chris and I had to do a Zpack starting on Christmas Day to get rid of any underlying infections. I also had to start taking low-dose aspirin and prenatal vitamins. You then order all your medicines from a special pharmacy in LA. Here is the kicker that they don’t tell you, you pay $10,000 for IVF, but what they don’t tell you is that DOES NOT INCLUDE YOUR MEDICINE. And how much do all your medicines coast? Oh, just a measly $3,000, no big deal, that’s pocket change (said Kim Kardashian, who also did IVF.)

          This is where my memory gets dicey and I don’t remember. But I’m going to try my best. This is when you get your body ready for the egg retrieval. Side note: since I started BC pills, I really didn’t get a period during this whole process, which is fine, I’m not complaining. You might bleed a little bit but it won’t be your normal flow.  I think I started taking shots the first week of January. I had to do Menopur and Follistim, in my stomach every morning at the same time; these are called STIMS in the TTC world. The Menopur HURT. It stung so bad going in, but you can take it like a champ. The pain of infertility is worse than doing shots in the stomach every day. Chris was great, we woke up early every morning and he gave me my shots. Some mornings I cried, some mornings I sang, some mornings I didn’t want to be awake.  You may bruise during your STIMS but again, you are a champ. The shots are basically hormone shots, which are trying to make your follicles nice big and juicy. By the end of your shots you can literally feel your ovaries and they feel so.heavy. One blog I read, the girl described it as “a bunch of grapes” and it is so true! When you move you can feel your bunches of grapes for ovaries literally flop over. About a week before our egg retrieval they will instruct you for no intercourse or exercise, for fear of your ovaries twisting because of how big they are. You will go in for an ultrasound and blood work about 1-2 times a week until they tell you that you are ready. And be prepared, they are vaginal ultrasounds. They give you a window of when you egg retrieval might be. Your body will tell you when you are ready, so make sure your job is aware of what is going on and that they can be flexible with you. About a week before your egg retrieval they will monitor everything and you will go in for an ultrasound just about every day, even on a Saturday and Sunday. When your follicles look good enough then its time to “pull the trigger.”  What’s that? Just another shot you get to take! Two nights before the egg retrieval you will take the HCG shot to stimulate ovulation. The night before your egg retrieval you have to do a water and vinegar douche. Yes, you read that right. It was awkward, and I never want to do one again! I had to do it the night before and morning of. They do this because the eggs are so sensitive they do not clean your vagina (yes I said it) for surgery, so they want you to do a douche since it is gentle.

          January 17^th was our egg retrieval day. I was so nervous! I had never been under anesthesia and that is what I was most nervous about. With my anxiety, I need to be in control of every situation I am in and I would not be in control of my body during anesthesia.  I think we were scheduled for 8am, which was great because I wasn’t allowed to eat after midnight.  Since we did all our ultrasounds with the PA, this time the Dr. was there for the actual egg retrieval, and she is just as great! I just loved our clinic. So you go in the surgical room and you undress in a hospital gown. The anesthesiologist took my blood pressure and said “are you nervous?” Uh yes! He put the mask on me and before I knew it I was knocked out cold. When I woke up, it was the best high I’ve ever had! I said lots of funny things while on anesthesia. When I woke up I said, “is that it? It’s over? Are you sure they did it?” and the anesthesiologist had to keep reminding me, yes, that’s it. I also asked him if I could take home the anesthesia because “these are the best drugs I’ve done since high school!” yes, I said that. He told me no I couldn’t take it home because that’s how Michael Jackson died. So I started to go on and on and on about Michael Jackson and how he died from anesthesia. They slowly get you up and take you to the recovery room to come down from your high. They gave me a blanket and a heating pad. You will be pretty sore after the egg retrieval. We had 22 eggs! Which was great news, 22 is a great number. As Chris and I were in the recovery room, the Dr. came in and told us the bad news. I guess it really wasn’t bad, it was just a setback. I guess my levels were too high (from all the hormones I was taking) that we couldn’t do the embryo transfer in 5 days like it was set for. We had to wait 5 weeks, and do it in Utah, because the Dr. is the one that has to do it and she wouldn’t be coming back to Idaho for a while. They did give us the option of still doing the transfer in 5 days, it would just take our chances down by 10% if we did that, and we didn’t want to take any chances! You already have about a 60% chance of IVF working and we didn’t want to risk it. I went home and rested for the next 2 days. I was pretty sore but it wasn’t too bad, I just used a heat pack and it was ok. 

You get a phone call the next day from the embryologist and they tell you how your embryos are doing (aka it’s the babysitter calling you telling you how your kids are) We had 12 embryos from our 22 eggs, which is still a really good number. You will get another phone call a couple days after and another phone call on day 5. On day 5 they told us we had 5 embryos! Remember, it is all about quality not quantity. You will see ladies on social media who are upset for “only having 5 embryos” but 5 embryos is a great number! Day 6 they froze our embryos and shipped them to Utah!

          About a week later Chris and I both went in to see the PA so she could give us an embryo transfer consult. This is where we got a picture of our embryos! It was so cool to see! We made those! Those are our babies! It is all so surreal to think what science and God can do! I was in awe at our little embryos and I loved them so much already. They grade your embryos on cell quality. We had 2 AA, 2 BA and 1 BB. That means we had 2 perfect embryos! The PA told us that most of the babies they get from their clinic are BB embryos, which was great news to hear! The PA told us if I don’t get my period within a certain amount of days that we would have to wait to do our embryo transfer in March! I don’t think I ever prayed so hard for my period to come! My period came right on time and our transfer was set for February 20^th. This is where I felt like we were in limbo. I wasn’t taking shots, and I didn’t have to go to the clinic to be monitored for anything for a couple weeks. The fertility clinic controls everything you do so it just felt weird not having to do anything. I still had to take low dose aspirin and prenatal though and they also added 6 estrogen pills a day. At first my insurance was like, “Oh hell no!” and wanted to charge us $99, because lets be real, who needs that much estrogen?

           5 days before the embryo transfer I was again, instructed to have no intercourse or exersize. 5 days before the transfer I also had to start progesterone in oil, this time I had to get the shots in my butt. Again, early in the morning same time every day. The Dr. will tell you that you will get goose eggs and welts from the shots, but I didn’t. Some girls like to ice the area first, then put a heat pack on the injection sight afterwards, but I didn't. I didn't have any problems. towards the end of 9 weeks my butt was getting sore from running out of new spots to do injections. So I did use a heat pack maybe two or three times. 

          Our transfer was set for Tuesday. We left work early on Monday to head down to Utah and beat a snow storm. It was supposed to snow A LOT! We beat the storm and there was zero ice or snow on the highway but you could definitely tell it snowed. We stayed at Chris’s cousin’s apartment Monday night. When we woke up there was a huge storm over night, and again, none of it was on the road. The Lord really blessed us. I have PTSD from a car accident in snow so I was extremely grateful for this. (You can find that blog post on my PTSD somewhere else on my blog.) We got to the clinic in the morning and  I was instructed to take a valium. I really don’t think I needed it because it didn’t hurt one bit and it was fine, but who is going to pass up free drugs? Not me! The Valium kicked in and I was feeling great! We got to the room and they have you to undress from the waist down. Dr. Conway came in and gave us a little update. She is just so great, I love her so much. When they brought our embryo in, both Chris and I could feel it. He said he felt the spirit strongly. They put the embryo in a catheter and you can watch on the screen the Dr. put your embryo inside if you! It was one of the most indescribable experiences ever! We got to watch, on a screen, the very MOMENT we got pregnant! Not everyone gets to do that! We really are blessed! Once the transfer is over you are “pregnant until proven otherwise” I was pregnant! I didn’t care if I was only pregnant for a day or two, for the first time in my life I was pregnant!  After the transfer we went back to a hotel to rest. That night I had to start  doing progesterone suppositories, which was probably the worst part of it all. Make sure you do it before you go to bed and make sure you wear a pad. I was instructed to lay down for 2 days straight. They called them “Princess Days” I wasn’t allowed to lift a finger. They said we were ok to drive home the next day as long as I went home and lay back down. I have the best friends! I had great friends take care of me and bring me treats and dinner, which was such a blessing! This is really a lonely path, so it’s so nice to know you have those you love you and support you. Our blood pregnancy test was set for 10 days from the transfer, to see if the embryo stuck or not. In some cases, the embryo doesn’t always stick.

          If you are having to do IVF, listen to me right now. The embryo will not fall out. You cannot do anything to prevent the embryo from not sticking, and it is nothing that you did wrong, if IVF didn’t work. Also, this is the most important thing. DO NOT TAKE A PREGNANCY TEST! I didn’t take a pee pregnancy test, and I really had no desire to. I left it to God, and his will was going to happen. But you will see girls online going CRAZY over pregnancy tests between their transfers and their blood test. They will take a pee test and see the FAINTEST line or see no line and they’ll say ( 5dp5dt) which means 5 days past 5 day transfer. Oh for the love don’t take a pregnancy test.  Especially only 5 days after the transfer, that is WAY too early. Be patient, and wait 10 days for your blood test. You will make yourself go crazy! Some girls will literally stress so hard if they see a line or not. Girl, IVF is stressful enough, do yourself and your body a favor, and calm down. Here’s the thing, pee tests are not always accurate. What if you get a negative test, get so upset and distraught, stop taking your medicines and then you go in for your blood test and you’re actually pregnant? Or what if you have a positive pee test and the blood test is negative? Just don’t test. Whatever you do, don’t take a pregnancy test.

           The day I found out I was finally pregnant was a magical day.  I woke up early, showered, and just headed to the clinic without makeup and my hair done for the blood draw. It was snowing. Chris surprised me by showing up as well. I usually stay pretty hydrated and drink close to 100oz of water a day, but since my blood draw was so early I hadn’t drank much water yet, only to take my medicines. The drive home from the clinic I cried. I was so scared. What if it was negative and we spent all this money to end up NOT pregnant? I had not doubted the entire time we were doing IVF until that moment of the blood draw. I went home, laid back in bed with the puppies and read my scriptures. I felt so much better after that. After a while I got up to do some homework. I still didn’t do my makeup yet because no matter what the results were, I was going to cry, a lot. I thought those hours waiting for the phone call were going to take forever, but it really wasn’t that bad at all, I felt some sort of a peace, and I just went about my day just doing my homework like any other day.  I wasn’t expecting a phone call until the afternoon, but right at noon, my phone rang. The sweet girl said, “Are you with your husband?” I said no and she laughed and said “haha ok I won’t make you wait, ITS POSITIVE.” I WAS PREGNANT! I WAS FINALLY PREGNANT! I started to cry, and laugh. Have you ever been so overjoyed that you cry AND laugh at the same time? We scheduled my next blood draw to make sure things were ok and I asked her if I could have a celebration Diet Pepsi, she laughed and asked the PA and she said as long as it doesn’t cause a relapse I was allowed ONE. ( I’m not allowed to have caffeine until maybe week 12 after we graduate from the fertility clinic and the OB ok’s it.) The first thing I did when we hung up it I sat on the floor with the puppies and just loved on them. I kept crying and laughing and hugging them and screaming “we’re pregnant, we’re finally pregnant.” It’s like as if at that moment when I found out I was pregnant, I forgot of all the pain and hurt that the years of infertility brought on. It was finally over, and I forgot what it felt like to hurt. I called Chris and we enjoyed the news together. Later that day I took a nap. When Chris came home we went out for a celebration dinner to Olive Garden. I kept thinking in my head the whole time “I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant.” It all felt so unreal.

          The fertility clinic will monitor you for about 9-10 weeks of pregnancy. I still had to take low dose aspirin, prenatals (obviously,) progesterone shots and progesterone suppositories, and estrogen. You will go in a week after your first blood draw, to take another blood draw, to make sure you are still pregnant and that your levels are where they want them to be.  You will be very fortunate enough to have an ultrasound of the baby before any other woman gets to. Our first ultrasound was at 7 weeks. Waiting for the ultrasound was the longest wait, I just wanted to see our baby and make sure this was real. It all still didn’t feel real, until the second I heard that heartbeat. There was a heartbeat! Inside of me! There is a baby inside of me! To hear that little heartbeat was one of the most magical sounds I have heard in my life. I looked over to Chris and smiled so big. Tears were streaming down my face. We got to see our little one on the screen and it is beautiful and perfect. I still can’t believe this is all happening. I’ve waited so long for this and I have wanted to be a mom for so long, this happiness is unlike anything I have ever felt.

          You will have another ultrasound at 9 weeks. We did it at 9 weeks 6 days because we were out of town. We got to see the baby move around! It was amazing to watch our little baby on the screen moving around. THIS IS REAL! THERE IS A BABY IN ME! I’m really still in shock. I think when you deal with infertility for so long, and have the pain of not having a baby, it all doesn’t feel real probably until you have that baby in your arms. At our last appointment we graduated from the fertility clinic. It was so sad to leave and I wish they made babies and delivered them as well. Our clinic was so good to us. They were so kind and loving and understanding. I will be forever grateful for them and what they did for Chris and I. 

          I hope if you are having to do IVF that this helps you feel hope and encouragement. I hope you are successful and have an easy IVF cycle like we did. If you are not needing to do IVF and have children naturally, I hope you appreciate the gift that you have and appreciate that your body does what it is meant to do. I hope you realize how blessed you are. Not everyone is as lucky as you are and “just gets pregnant.” I hope you love and appreciate the children you get to have easily and naturally because for some it is not always easy. 1 out of 8 women go through pain and agony month after month. I am 1 in 8, and I kicked infertility in the ass. I beat infertility.