I haven't written in my blog for nearly 3 weeks now. A few weeks ago, my grandfather came home from the hospital. Everyone in the family was taking turns spending the night with him to help take care of him. The second night he was home it was my turn to spend the night with him. I was excited for that opportunity to spend the night with him, just me and my grandpa. It was supposed to be a special time. That day, I was on my way to the Doctor and stopped in the drive through for a sandwich. Just as I was pulling up to order I got the news that my grandpa had passed away. Trying to hold it together was so hard while I was ordering my food. I was so mad. Why did he die? It wasn't fair. He was only 76 and I had only known about him for 15 years and only lived in Idaho with him for 10. I instantly regretted all the time I didn't spend with him. 10 years is not enough to spend with someone. I got to the Doctor and tried my best to hold myself together, but tears ran down my face the entire time I was in the lobby. Luckily my appointment was fairly quick and I went home. I went home to try to do my homework but all I could do was stare at the computer screen and cry. I laid on the couch the rest of the day, just laying there. I have lost 2 grandparents before, and I cried and I was sad. But this time it hit me so hard. So. hard. I think with my other grandparents, I had them my whole life. I grew up with them as a child going to see them every single weekend. We spent so much time with family when we lived in Rhode Island. But this grandfather I only had for 15 years, I felt like it was barely enough time. I feel like there is nothing left in Idaho. He is the whole reason why we moved here. Besides the fact that I'm married, own a home, and am fully established, I feel like there is nothing left in Idaho.
People grieve in different ways. Some people are mean when they grieve. My mom's half siblings and step mom have treated my family like garbage during this whole thing, just because my mom is a half sibling but she still was my grandfathers daughter and he was still my grandpa. We tried talking to the family about funeral arrangements before he died but they were not having it. They kept saying "they have it taken care of" But they really didn't. They said he already had a plot paid for next to his parents, but he really didn't. Since my grandpa was in the military they help with funeral expenses and we tried telling the family that but they didn't want to hear it. Instead, my grandfather was cremated, which he didn't want and they were not going to hold any funeral or any type of service for him, even though they said "it was taken care of" I was so hurt and upset, I could not let my grandfather die and then not have a funeral or some type of service to celebrate his life, it was wrong and disrespectful to not do anything. I decided to hold my own memorial service for my grandfather, because it didn't feel right to just let him die and not say goodbye or have some form of closure. I got my mom and sisters to help me and we were all so excited to do this for him. We held it at the river down the road from his house where he liked to fish. I had my mom write his life sketch, my sisters read a poem, my uncle flew in from Rhode Island and read a poem, my dearest friend Rebecca works for a family funeral home and made me the most beautiful programs for it, and my dad and Chris said opening and closing prayers. Since we didn't have a grave to lay flowers down on, my mom had the idea to throw flowers in the river for him. I was nervous to conduct because I didn't think I would be able to hold it together. I did well and only cried a little bit. It was the most perfect ceremony I could have ever asked for. There were so many people there, and I was so surprised because it was by word of mouth, casual, and spur of the moment, I am so grateful for every single person that came. I had a lot of people thank me for doing it and putting it together, and I couldn't have done it without my family. We did it together, for my grandfather, and it was perfect. Afterwards my great-uncle had everyone come to his house for cake, his girlfriend made the perfect cake! It was a man fishing on the river that said "gone fishing" There is a poem that I put on the back of the program talking about how that person didn't die, he just went fishing, so it was perfect. Really, the whole thing was perfect and I hope my grandfather was proud that we did something for him. His brother is collecting donations from the family so he can order a stone for him and his sister who was also cremated, so we can put it in the cemetery so people can have something to go to.
Instead of being sad, I want to share some funny things that my mom wrote in his life sketch. My grandfather was once caught with Waylon Jenning's wife, so my grandpa ran to the bathroom, shaved his face, changed his clothes and ran out the bar before Waylon could catch him! Another thing, the night before my grandpa was supposed to be shipped out to Vietnam, him and his buddies went out drinking, got in a bar fight and was arrested. He missed his flight to Vietnam, but the MP's found him days later and sent him to Alaska instead. He was so full of life and very adventurous!
I'll miss my grandfather. I'll miss going to his house in the summer time and sitting in the yard, looking out at his garden, I'll miss watching him smile, I'll miss walking down to the river with him. But I know he is pain free now and happy. It's not the end, we will still see him again one day.
People grieve in different ways. Some people are mean when they grieve. My mom's half siblings and step mom have treated my family like garbage during this whole thing, just because my mom is a half sibling but she still was my grandfathers daughter and he was still my grandpa. We tried talking to the family about funeral arrangements before he died but they were not having it. They kept saying "they have it taken care of" But they really didn't. They said he already had a plot paid for next to his parents, but he really didn't. Since my grandpa was in the military they help with funeral expenses and we tried telling the family that but they didn't want to hear it. Instead, my grandfather was cremated, which he didn't want and they were not going to hold any funeral or any type of service for him, even though they said "it was taken care of" I was so hurt and upset, I could not let my grandfather die and then not have a funeral or some type of service to celebrate his life, it was wrong and disrespectful to not do anything. I decided to hold my own memorial service for my grandfather, because it didn't feel right to just let him die and not say goodbye or have some form of closure. I got my mom and sisters to help me and we were all so excited to do this for him. We held it at the river down the road from his house where he liked to fish. I had my mom write his life sketch, my sisters read a poem, my uncle flew in from Rhode Island and read a poem, my dearest friend Rebecca works for a family funeral home and made me the most beautiful programs for it, and my dad and Chris said opening and closing prayers. Since we didn't have a grave to lay flowers down on, my mom had the idea to throw flowers in the river for him. I was nervous to conduct because I didn't think I would be able to hold it together. I did well and only cried a little bit. It was the most perfect ceremony I could have ever asked for. There were so many people there, and I was so surprised because it was by word of mouth, casual, and spur of the moment, I am so grateful for every single person that came. I had a lot of people thank me for doing it and putting it together, and I couldn't have done it without my family. We did it together, for my grandfather, and it was perfect. Afterwards my great-uncle had everyone come to his house for cake, his girlfriend made the perfect cake! It was a man fishing on the river that said "gone fishing" There is a poem that I put on the back of the program talking about how that person didn't die, he just went fishing, so it was perfect. Really, the whole thing was perfect and I hope my grandfather was proud that we did something for him. His brother is collecting donations from the family so he can order a stone for him and his sister who was also cremated, so we can put it in the cemetery so people can have something to go to.
Instead of being sad, I want to share some funny things that my mom wrote in his life sketch. My grandfather was once caught with Waylon Jenning's wife, so my grandpa ran to the bathroom, shaved his face, changed his clothes and ran out the bar before Waylon could catch him! Another thing, the night before my grandpa was supposed to be shipped out to Vietnam, him and his buddies went out drinking, got in a bar fight and was arrested. He missed his flight to Vietnam, but the MP's found him days later and sent him to Alaska instead. He was so full of life and very adventurous!
I'll miss my grandfather. I'll miss going to his house in the summer time and sitting in the yard, looking out at his garden, I'll miss watching him smile, I'll miss walking down to the river with him. But I know he is pain free now and happy. It's not the end, we will still see him again one day.
PoI've finished life's chores assigned to me,
So put me on a boat headed out to sea.
Please send along my fishing pole
For I've been invited to the fishin' hole.
Where every day is a day to fish,
To fill your heart with every wish.
Don't worry, or feel sad for me,
I'm fishin' with the Master of the sea.
We will miss each other for awhile,
But you will come and bring your smile.
That won't be long you will see,
Till we're together you and me.
To all of those that think of me,
Be happy as I go out to sea.
If others wonder why I'm missin'
Just tell 'em I've gone fishin'
The night my uncle James from Rhode Island flew in
My very handsome grandpa when he was in the military in Alaska
At my mom's surprise 50th birthday party
a few summers ago at my grandpas house
My grandpa and my sister's children
My mom reading the life sketch
my sisters reading a poem
my uncle reading a poem
family and friends throwing flowers in the river
The cake Marie made
cousins at the service
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