Oliver's Birth Story

It’s been since May since I wrote my last blog post titled "The First Trimester" and since then I have a seven week old. I wanted to write out Oliver's birth story so I can remember it and get all my thoughts out. My whole birth experience has a huge impact on my life and not a day goes by that I don't reflect on events that happened during those few days in the hospital, as I'm sure many women feel. I had such a good experience during my hospital stay and I thank all the labor and delivery nurses and my wonderful doctor. You have to be a special kind of person to be a labor and delivery nurse. All the nurses there were the nicest people I have ever met. They made me feel so comfortable and taken care of; they had a huge impact on my hospital stay.Warning: I have not slept in what feels like months (my last week of pregnancy sleeping became difficult) and I feel like I am barely surviving. My grammar and spelling may be less than perfect (but when is it ever) so please bear with me 😊

My last week of pregnancy was pretty good. At that point I had a pretty perfect pregnancy and the whole thing was magical. I LOVED being pregnant. I was obsessed with my growing bump and loved to stare at it in the mirror. I loved to touch it and rub my belly. Pregnancy is a beautiful thing and I am so happy I was able to experience that miracle. I left my job at 35 weeks so I could spend my last few weeks resting and nesting. Some days I was so bored and I regretted quitting my job so early, but then I would remember how badly my body hurt at the end of the work day and was grateful to be done. The last week I spent my time watching TV, taking lots of walks, cleaning, laundry, and making freezer meals. I felt like I was 100% prepared for Oliver’s arrival.

I was hoping I wouldn't need to be induced. I wanted to have a surprise, spontaneous labor because doing IVF takes away all the surprise. You don't just get to miss your period and wonder if you're pregnant and then take a test and surprise! You're pregnant! And you don't get to share the surprise news with your husband in a memorable way. I didn't get to experience that because I was closely monitored throughout the whole thing. Wednesday, October 24^th is a day I will always remember. I don’t know why, but I’ll always remember my last day without Oliver. The dogs were acting stranger than normal and were driving me insane. They were running around and acting hyper and wanted to be right by me. I decided to take them for a long walk to tire them out so they would leave me alone. It was a beautiful fall day and we stopped at the park for about 20 minutes so I could rest. It was quiet and peaceful and I really did enjoy this particular walk-strange to think it was my last pregnant walk before Oliver came. That day I also brought up my exercise ball from the basement so I could sit and bounce on it because it is supposed to help with back pain and help get labor started, not thinking it would put me into labor the next day. I still had two weeks until my due date so I didn’t think bouncing on the ball would induce labor so quickly. The last couple days my body had been hurting so bad from carrying all the extra weight so I convinced Chris when he came home from work for us to go to the gym where he could work out and I could float in the pool. I spent about 30 minutes in the pool floating my round sore body and it felt so good to be in the water and take pressure off my body. Five days prior I also started to drink red raspberry leaf tea which is supposed to help prepare the uterus for labor, again, thinking I had plenty of time still! All in all, I had a pretty active day that day which is what I think induced my labor two weeks early.

Towards the end of my pregnancy I was getting up every two hours to pee in the night. I woke up around 3:40am to pee, laid back down to sleep and just a few minutes later I felt a *pop* and gush! My water had broke! In bed! Two weeks early! I knew instantly what it was and yelled, “Chris! My water just broke!” Now, we had taken a birthing class but didn’t remember a single thing in this moment, we were all nerves and we didn’t know what to do. So we pulled out our phones and googled “what to do when your water breaks.” Google told us to call our doctor but it being 4am I called the hospital instead. They told me to come right on in. *holy shit I’m pushing out a baby today.* Since I had gone swimming the night before I wanted to shower and asked the hospital if I could shower first. They told me as long as I was at the hospital within 4 hours, I could. When I got off the phone I started to bawl. I wasn’t done being pregnant, I LOVED being pregnant, I still had two more weeks of this beautiful, magical time in my life and I wanted to savor it longer. Don’t get me wrong, I was so excited to meet my baby FINALLY, but what if this was my only chance at being pregnant? I didn’t want it to end. I hopped in the shower and of course took my time with doing my hair and makeup (I wanted to make a good impression on Oliver of course.) I put on a pair of depends (so attractive) because my water kept gushing out. And I mean it kept.gushing.out.so.much.water. It wasn’t stopping, I completely soaked a depends in five minutes. I actually was gushing out fluid until about noon that day! Our hospital bags were already packed and I just had a few last minuet things to pack, but all in all, I was very prepared for this moment. We left the house around 5am full of nerves, excitement,  and shaking. I asked Chris to stop at McDonald's’ for me so I could eat something because I heard they don’t let you eat once you get to the hospital, and I wasn’t about to let that happen, food is my best friend and I needed to eat. Unfortunately McDonald’s is NOT 24-hours like it should be because we drove past two of them and they were closed and I was a pissed-hungry pregnant woman at 5am!

            We got to the hospital and they got us going right away. First thing I asked for was food (I have an unrealistic fear of being hungry.) The nurse said all I could have was cereal and after that I was only allowed ice chips and popsicles. I was starving and thought of McDonald’s all day long. I was hooked up to an IV, a blood pressure monitor and monitors on my stomach for the baby.  As the hours went on I was not having any contractions and I was not really dilated yet so they called my doctor and he told them to get me started on Pitocin to get my contracts going. Holy moly contractions are the worst thing in the world. Now, I did not complain my whole pregnancy, but damn, contractions HURT. I soon got some fentanyl and it took all the pain away, fentanyl is now my most favored drug. Thank you modern medicine.As labor was going I started to shake profusely, like a teeth-chattering shake, it was crazy. But apparently shaking is normal during labor because of the hormone shifts in your body. These are things no one tells you about labor! 

As I was just sitting, waiting and waiting and waiting for this show to get on the road I reflected on my last day without Oliver, and what a nice day it was. It was quiet and simple, and I would always remember “the day before you.” The Rascal Flats song popped in my head titled “The Day Before You” and it describes the life of someone before their love came along, and I thought of Oliver. I then wanted to listen to Pandora and doze off for a little bit. When I turned on Pandora low and behold that exact song was playing and I started to cry. How coincidental is it that I was just thinking of that song and it started playing right then, it's not even one of their radio hits. The chorus is ” Now you're here and everything's changing, Suddenly life means so much, I can't wait to wake up tomorrow And find out this promise is true, I will never have to go back to, The day before you.” It seems so fitting. It will always be mine and Oliver’s song and I sing it to him almost daily. 

The day went on and I was progressing slowly. So they kept upping the Pitocin until the contractions became unbearable and I asked for the magical epidural. The anesthesiologist came and he had quite the difficult time getting the needle into my back, he says I probably developed pregnancy scoliosis. After a few tries he finally he got the needle in, and I was back in business. Except the epidural only worked on one side of my body. So the nurse came in and flipped me on my side so the epidural would start working on the other side. Do you know how hard it us to move a huge pregnant body when you can't feel anything? That poor nurse! My doctor came at some point in the afternoon and he checked everything. I asked him what time he thought the baby would be here and he thought around 6 that evening. My parents and mother in law came throughout the day to visit me before I started to push. My doctor came back around 6pm to see if it was time to start pushing. I wasn’t quite ready yet so he said he was going to leave and will come back at 7 and I will start pushing at 7pm. 7 came and it was pushing time! Now, let me tell you, pushing during labor is one of the most intrusive moments of your life! You’re sitting there with your legs up in stirrups and the nurse is down at the other end, with her hand inside you, carrying on a normal conversation, like she is not all up in your lady parts! But, all decency goes out the door the second you step into the hospital so it’s fine. At one point she even told me Oliver was going to have lots of hair because she could see his head! I started pushing and within 5 minutes of pushing the nurse goes, “Oh, I’m going to call your doctor right away!” apparently Oliver was crowning and was about ready to come out. The baby nurse came and my doctor came and I kept pushing and pushing and pushing and pushing for TWO HOURS and still, no baby. Chris did so good and I am so happy he is so supportive. He held my hand through all the contractions and let me squeeze the living daylights out of his poor hands. He even took over and counted for my pushing while the nurse was calling my doctor. He did so good throughout the whole thing.I was begining to worry that maybe I wasn't pushing hard enough, but the doctor felt my cervix and he said I was definitely pushing as hard as I could but nothing was happening. Then my worst nightmare happened. My epidural was running out and I could start feeling the contractions and feeling myself push and it was hurting so bad. I was getting exhausted and we didn’t know what to do so Chris offered me a blessing and we asked my doctor to step in since we knew he was of the same faith as us, which was a really neat experience to have your doctor help with a blessing. He later told us how much that meant to him, to have him help with the blessing. In the blessing Chris said that I would be able to make the right decisions for me and the baby. Anesthesia came back since my epidural ran out, to give me more drugs to help me make it through the rest of my pushing. I don’t know what he gave me but it was “something local” I don’t know what that means. I tried to keep pushing and I remember looking at my doctor in tears telling him it hurts and the medicine they gave me was not working. I usually like to keep my feelings of pain to myself and not tell anyone how I am really feeling but I just remember looking at my poor doctor just pleading with him. My doctor tried not to show it but he was looked very concerned at this point, I really don't think I'll forget the look on his face. 

Smiling through pushing

The doctor said it was best that we do C-section since I pushed for so long and he did not know what was happening. I started to cry because I was scared and the nurse said, “are you consenting to a C-section?” The moment I said yes everything went so fast and I was so scared. I looked at Chris and we both at tears streaming down our faces. Suddenly there were lots of other nurses coming in the room and preparing me for surgery. It all happened so fast. Anesthesia came back to give me what I think was another epidural for surgery, and he got mad! Apparently when my epidural ran out, the nurse or someone turned it off, so when he gave me the other drugs to help me make it through pushing, it wasn’t making it into my IV, and that is why I was in so much pain and told my doctor is wasn’t working, because it was turned off! I was whisked away to surgery and I was so nervous to be left helpless on an operating table to be cut open! A C-section was definitely not part of my “birth plan” but, neither was IVF so here we are. I just remember from that point of entering the OR everything went so fast. My parents showed up instantly once they found out I was going into a C-section and my sister was already there waiting in the hall while I was pushing. Another doctor from my office showed up to help my doctor with surgery. Besides being cut open, one of the scariest moments is when they transfer you from the bed to the operating table, I swear I thought someone was going to drop my heavy ass! I was pregnant and large and I was scared. But obviously it was an un-realistic fear and I wasn’t dropped. During the surgery I kept shaking-still a teeth chattering shake, and I remember praying the whole time, but I was so out of it I couldn’t even get a prayer out, I just kept repeating “please Lord, please Lord, please Lord,” the whole time. Again, an unrealistic fear, that I was going to die in the OR. With my (un-medicated) anxiety I always jump to the worst possible outcomes, like death. They needed to do a vaginal assist because Oliver was stuck in the birth canal. Within minutes and thinking I was just about to die, the doctor said “here he is” and held the most beautiful, perfect, blonde, crying baby boy over the surgical curtain. I instantly started to bawl because he was finally here. Finally. All the years of hurt and pain and longing for a baby, the hundreds of needles it took to get pregnant, and having my guts cut open, at that moment was all worth it. I’ll never forget my first look at Oliver. Its engraved in my mind forever. My first words were “he’s blonde!” And I started to bawl with so many emotions-like death and joy.  

They took Oliver away into the NICU to get him cleaned up and weighed, and it was the longest few minutes of my life. They had my baby. My baby that I waited years for! I didn’t even care that I was being sown up, I wanted my baby and I wanted him now. Apparently when we came out though, the umbilical cord was wrapped all around him, and that is why he was not coming out. Later the doctor came to my room and said that he believes someone was holding Oliver back, and pointed to the ceiling, and that is why he was not coming out vaginally. God’s hand really is in everything. Oliver might not have made it if he came out vaginally. When they finally brought me my baby I kept sobbing and I was so so so so so happy. I waited years for this,I felt like I waited my whole life to hold my own baby. I remember I kept saying “he’s so perfect” and “we waited so long for you.” There are no words good enough to describe the moment I first held Oliver. I cannot even comprehend the amount of love I felt at that moment.

These are some picture my sister took that her and my parents 

were able to see through a window designated for family to see

Now, it took what seemed like forever to get sown up. Chris peaked over the curtain and he looked so grossed out with my blood and guts everywhere( ok, my guts really weren't everywhere but this is how I envisioned my C-section.) The anesthesia guy was there the whole time with me and I feel like he was such a good coach and helped me feel comfortable. He walked me through all the steps and told me everything they were doing. He was so comforting and kind. At one point he stuck a lavender smelly thing on my shoulder to mask the smell of the “cauterizing” CAUTERIZING?! What the hell are they cauterizing? I was not prepared to hear that, and again the fear of death hit me (insert crying-laughing emoji.) 

We finally went back to the recovery room and I got to hold my perfect little baby. Before going into labor, skin to skin time that very first hour of Oliver’s birth was extremely important to me. I had read up on how important it was to do skin to skin the very first hour of your baby’s life, to establish breastfeeding and to create a bond with your baby. Since I had a C-section I missed out on that time because they took him right away and didn’t put him on my chest when he came out. I was a little sad about it that I missed out on that window of opportunity and still to this day it saddens me that he wasn’t put on my chest when they pulled him out. We ended up doing our skin to skin still after his birth it was just a little later than I would have liked. Again, there are no words that are good enough to describe this experience when I was able to do skin to skin with my baby.

Very first moments together in the recovery room

 Everything seemed to get hazy after this. I don’t remember much because of the exhaustion, hormones, and starvation (they still hadn’t let me eat at this point.) All they would allow me to have is saltines and sprite. I hadn’t eaten since the previous night and I was starving! I didn’t sleep at all that night because the nurses came in every 15 minutes to check me, my poor uterus and to check Oliver. I do remember throwing up a few times the next morning. Probably because I hadn’t eaten yet (see, I keep thinking about food and how they didn’t let me eat!) Once I was allowed to eat again I ordered a breakfast sandwich and a diet Pepsi from the kitchen the second the cafeteria opened (I’m very food driven.) That day was one of the most vulnerable I have ever been in my life. The nurse taking care of me that day was training a new CNA. They came in to get me out of bed and give me a sponge bath. That first walk out of bed after birth was brutal. I had been lying down in the hospital bed for over 24 hours and my body had just been cut open, I felt like death. I got into the bathroom and they basically stripped me down and I sat on the edge of the bathtub while the poor CNA gave me a sponge bath. You are extremely vulnerable at this point after birth and there is really nothing you can do about it. It’s one of those things people don’t tell you happen in the hospital, all your dignity is stripped from you as you have two strangers in the bathroom with you cleaning your lady bits up while you sit atop the toilet. But, the nurses were SO good and kind and never ever made me feel bad or uncomfortable. They were all actually really great and I appreciate their care so much. It really takes a certain heart to be a nurse. Labor and delivery nurses are actual angels sent from heaven, and I am forever grateful for their love, care, and kindness, they each made a huge impact in my life.

I had to stay at the hospital for three days and my amazing doctor came in every day to check on me. The first day he came to check on me he looked at me and then saw that I was still hooked up to the catheter and he was not very happy! He looked at me and said, “uh, this makes me very upset” and he walks away to what I assume was the nurses station. Soon after that a nurse came in to take my catheter out. I guess you can’t have a catheter in for longer than 24 hours or you are at risk to an infection.

The on-call pediatrician came in to check Oliver over. He found a dimple in his back and took him in for in ultrasound, thinking it could be Spina Bifida. That was a little scary, but the ultrasound came back fine and nothing was found, it’s just a cute little dimple on his back. Oliver did have to do his hearing test twice, just because they thought he still had lots of amniotic fluid, but he passed the second time! Oliver also had jaundice but we were able to get that taken care of in about a week with some light therapy.

When I was feeling well enough to get up and move we went for a walk around the hospital and pushed Oliver in the little hospital bed. We had a few nurses stop us to get a look at Oliver and they so sincerely said he was the cutest baby ever, and it was rather sincere, not like when you’re being polite saying someone’s baby is cute. One nurse said, “I see a lot of babies and HE is the cutest one I’ve seen!” Thanks lady, I think so too! All the other nurses taking care of me and Oliver also thought he was the cutest thing ever. Chris and I just make cute babies J I loved the quiet moments in our hospital room just holding and cuddling Oliver, singing to him and staring at him-just precious memories being made.  

Oliver's aunt and cousin (my sister)

Grandma (my mom)

Grandpa (my dad)

walking around the hospital

I had to stay an extra day at the hospital because of the C-section. That weekend was my birthday and Chris and I planned to go to Café Rio Saturday night for my birthday. Obviously that couldn’t happen so Chris brought my birth dinner to the hospital and I enjoyed a quiet (painful) birthday celebration with my new little family and THE BEST birthday gift an infertile mother could ask for! Sunday was my 30th birthday and we got to go home. It didn’t feel like my birthday at all since I was in the hospital. When I was pregnant and we found out our due date I wished for Oliver to come early before my 30th birthday so I would still be in my 20’s when he was born. He was so very kind to listen to me. I got married at the age of 19, and my life plan was to be done having kids by the time I was 30 so I could be a young mom. It’s funny how life does not go as planned. It’s also funny that I had that wish, but ended up spending time in the hospital on my 30^th birthday with my first baby.

Going home!

Going home outfit 

The C-section was quite painful for me. I also puffed up quite a bit. My whole body was swollen from surgery and I weighed 13 pounds heavier when I left the hospital! My ears were red and rock hard, my eyes, cheeks, lips and nose got huge and swollen. I had to wear sandals for two weeks because I couldn't get shoes on.  It was so hard those first few weeks to take care of a newborn while also recovering from a major surgery. Oliver and I slept in the living room for the first few weeks because it was too painful for me to get in and out of bed. A couple weeks into my recovery my pain started to get worse instead of better. I looked at my incision and puss was oozing out of it. I called and left a message with my doctor’s nurse and then went to my lactation appointment at the hospital. I saw a family friend there who is a labor and delivery nurse and told her what was going on. She took me to the lactation room to check it out and said “I’m going to go call your doctor” since they have their cell phone numbers. My doctor said for me to come in right away. I went to my doctor’s office and he took a culture of the puss and gave me more pain meds and an antibiotic. The culture came back fine so it wasn’t anything bad, but good thing we caught it in time!

I am feeling so much better now that I am seven weeks out.  Life with Oliver has been a dream. I sit and stare at him and start crying. I think of all those times I longed for him, and he’s finally here. I can’t believe Chris and I made him! And it’s crazy to think of HOW we made him! With Science, in a petri dish! Sometimes it is so surreal. I am so grateful for my infertility journey as I think I appreciate motherhood more. I am trying to savor all my sweet moments with Oliver and I am already missing his fresh newborn stage. I love motherhood and I don’t know why I had to wait so long, and I may never know. But what I do know is that it was the plan all along. I had to wait and that is ok because he has taken away all those hurts and pains I ever felt from infertility. I will eventually write a blog post about life with Oliver, when I find the time to do so, as this post has taken me nearly three weeks to write.

Oliver and his embryo picture

The little embryo that could