First Trimester
I’ve been keeping track
and writing a little here and there about my first trimester. The first thing people always ask me is “are
you feeling sick?” and I love to tell them “nope!” I actually felt amazing
these past 13 weeks. I felt minimal morning sickness and would dry heave occasionally,
and I only threw up once in 13 weeks. I rarely ever felt sick! Some people are
amazed at how I wasn’t sick! One thing that I think really helped me was going
to the gym as often as I can. I normally do High Fitness, Zumba, HIIT work outs
and some circuit training, but I wasn’t allowed to work out for about 10 weeks.
So for those weeks I would just work on the elliptical and do some light
weights. Once I was allowed back to my normal work outs I felt great! Because I
still tried to keep my body active during those 10 weeks, I wasn’t really sore
when I went back to my classes. I have gotten quite a few questions on how I
have made it to the gym because I guess some ladies are too sick or tired to
go, but I have to go. It makes me feel good. I need that sweat, which releases
happy endorphins, and I just love to work out, although it doesn’t look like it
because I have Thyroid problems, I just quite love the gym! Now, there were
some days I was just way too tired to go to the gym and that was fine, I won’t
push myself, but I usually feel better once I get my workout in. I was looking
forward to the weird pregnancy cravings, and I have had no cravings! Which is
so weird! It is totally fine with me though, because once I start eating, I can’t
stop. So it is probably best for me that I don’t have any cravings because I
wouldn’t be able to stop.
6 weeks March 16 2018
The day I found out I
was finally pregnant was a magical day.
I woke up early, showered, and just headed to the clinic without makeup
and my hair done for the blood draw. It was snowing. Chris surprised me by
showing up as well. I usually stay pretty hydrated and drink close to 100oz of
water a day, but since my blood draw was so early I hadn’t drank much water
yet, only to take my medicines. The nurse had just the worst time trying to
take my blood, it didn’t want to come out! I had to sit there and guzzle down
water before any blood came out. The drive home from the clinic I cried. I was
so scared. What if it was negative and we spent all this money to end up NOT
pregnant? I had not doubted the entire time we were doing IVF until that moment
of the blood draw. I went home, laid back in bed with the puppies and read my
scriptures. I felt so much better after that. After a while I got up to do some
homework. I still didn’t do my makeup yet because no matter what the results
were, I was going to cry, a lot. I thought those hours waiting for the phone
call were going to take forever, but it really wasn’t that bad at all, I felt
some sort of a peace, and I just went about my day just doing my homework like
any other day. I wasn’t expecting a
phone call until about the afternoon, but right at noon, my phone rang. The
sweet girl said, “Are you with your husband?” I said no and she laughed and
said “haha ok I won’t make you wait, ITS POSITIVE.” I WAS PREGNANT! I WAS
FINALLY PREGNANT! I started to cry, and laugh. Have you ever been so overjoyed
that you cry AND laugh at the same time? We scheduled my next blood draw to
make sure things were ok and I asked her if I could have a celebration Diet
Pepsi, she laughed and asked the PA and she said as long as it doesn’t cause a
relapse I was allowed ONE. ( I’m not allowed to have caffeine until maybe week
9 when we graduate from the fertility clinic and the OB ok’s it.) The first
thing I did when we hung up it I sat on the floor with the puppies and just
loved on them. I kept crying and laughing and hugging them and screaming “we’re
pregnant, we’re finally pregnant” It’s like as if at that moment I found out I
was pregnant, I forgot of all the pain and hurt that the years of infertility
brought on. It was finally over, and I forgot what it felt like to hurt. I
called Chris and we enjoyed the news together. Later that day I took a nap.
When Chris came home we went out for a celebration dinner to Olive Garden. I
kept thinking in my head the whole time “ I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant, I’m
pregnant”
Pregnancy Test Day
So we found out on
Friday and I went to work on Monday. Monday was HARD! It was hard to be at work
KNOWING I was pregnant and I couldn’t share it with anyone! I mean I could, but
I really didn’t want to share anything until week 12, in case of miscarriage.
The whole time I sat at work thinking “ I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant, I’m pregnant.”
It was so hard.
Pregnancy Symptoms: At
this point when I am writing this I am 6 weeks pregnant. When I found out I was
pregnant I was officially 4 weeks pregnant, even though the embryo transfer was
10 days prior to that, I don’t know why the female calendar works like that but
that’s the way it is. I’ve been officially pregnant for 2 weeks although I am 6
weeks along. I have been feeling great and have had a few symptoms, and I love
every single one of them. The very first one I noticed was I was sneezing a
ton. I remember my sister Erin saying one time when she was pregnant that she
sneezed a lot. I looked it up and it is called pregnancy retinopathy. About 25%
women experience it. It’s multiple sneezing within seconds, several times a
day. Sometimes I almost pee my pants when I sneeze. I have not thrown up yet,
thank goodness! But I have been feeling only a little nauseated. I feel blessed
on that part. I’ll have random moments where I’ll start gaging like I am going
to throw up. Like I was wiping down the bathroom the other day and I had to
have Chris finish it because the smell of the cleaner was going to make me puke
and I was gaging. I did it at the gym this morning and once you start gaging
there’s no stopping it so I was really hoping no one was looking at me. I’ve
been sweating my balls off. I get hot easily, and I sweat in the night. I
cranked the heat way down at work and turned a fan on me, and everyone was
complaining how cold it was and I was sitting there with a fan in my face. My boobs are pretty sore. Every night I take
my bra off, I wince in pain. I'm always starving. I cannot stay satisfied. It
does not take me much to be full, but an hour later I am famished. The second I
get hungry it’s not like a “oh I am hungry,” it’s more of my blood sugar is
dropping and If I don’t eat now I am going to stab someone. I eat fairly
healthy, lots of protein, bars, fruits, veggies, yogurt, but nothing is cutting
it and I feel like I may die of starvation.
Now I must make a
disclaimer. I LOVE every single one of these pregnancy symptoms. Why? Because I
waited years to have them! And it means I am pregnant! Sometimes when I am
complaining about a symptom I instantly feel ashamed and feel ungrateful. Chris
said I need to stop that, that it’s ok. It’s ok to be miserable because it is
all worth it.
7 weeks March 23 2018
We went in for our 7
week ultrasound today. This is all so surreal. It all still didn’t feel real,
until the second I heard that heartbeat. There is a heartbeat! Inside of me!
There is a baby inside of me! To hear that little heartbeat was one of the most
magical sounds I have heard in my life. I looked over to Chris and smiled so
big. Tears were streaming down my face. We got to see our little one today on
the screen and it is beautiful and perfect. The baby is measuring at 6 weeks
and 6 days, the size of a blueberry. I still can’t believe this is all
happening. I’ve waited so long for this and I have wanted to be a mom for so
long, this happiness is unlike anything I have ever felt.
First Ultrasound
When I came home from the ultrasound I just did some
homework. I went on Facebook and I was watching a video of the song “A Thousand
Years” the lyrics go, “One step closer. I have died every day, waiting for you.
Darling, don't be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you
for a thousand more.” I lost it over those lyrics, they definitely describe our
situation right now, because I truly felt I was dying everyday just waiting for
this baby, and I have loved this child for so long. As I was crying it took me
back to those times I would cry in pain. Pain of thinking I wasn’t good enough
to be a mom, or wondering if the Lord was punishing me or if I had been
forgotten. The pain of the failed IUI’s. The pain of when I got off the phone
with the financial consultation for IVF. I cried so hard after that phone call thinking
it was NEVER going to happen because it was extremely expensive. I was bawling
today, but it was tears of joy and happiness. I wish I could go back and tell
that girl in pain that it was going to be ok, that the wait will finally be
over, and the pain WILL go away.
8 weeks March 30 2018
Today I am 8 weeks
pregnant. Is this real life? It doesn’t feel like it. How did I finally beat
infertility? How did I become worthy of this blessing? I really don’t know.
I still haven’t thrown
up, but I’ve been dry heaving a little bit. Before I got pregnant, and I spent
10 years not pregnant, so for the last 10 years I’ve had people tell me “just
wait for morning sickness” and I would tell some “I think I am going to have an
easy pregnancy because I have been through so much pain of infertility that
Heavenly Father will bless me.” And then they would laugh at me. Guess what?
Morning sickness has been a breeze! For real, I will take morning sickness over
the pain of infertility any day! I really haven’t been too sick at all. The one
thing I am getting tired of is the shots in my ass every morning. I’ve been
doing them for the last 2 months and I am TIRED of them let me tell you! Every
morning we wake up early, I pull my pants down, and Chris sticks me in the butt
with progesterone. About 2 more weeks and we get to stop!
Today the baby is a
size of a raspberry and my uterus is the size of an orange. AN ORANGE! That’s kind
of big to keep on hiding! I am
definitely at that stage where people probably think “is she fat or pregnant?” and it’s still a
secret so I’m definitely just fat. Haha. I can’t wait until the secret is out
so I can stop sucking it in and let everything hang out!
8 Weeks Bump
11 Weeks April 23 2018
Wow the first trimester
is almost over and I’ve survived! The
first trimester (they say) is always the hardest. I think I am completely past
the morning sickness. I’ll be 12 weeks in two days and I’ve still only thrown
up once! What a miracle! I rarely, if ever had any nausea and I haven’t felt
sick in the last week. I’m still pretty tired and take naps on the regular. I
come home from work and I just fall on the couch and I don’t get up until I
decide to either go to the gym or bed. Going to the gym has really helped! I
feel so much more energy after the gym. Although working out in the morning is
a lot easier then working out at night. I’ve started having hiccups and I think
it is so cute and I adore them and love every bit of it. I also have crazy vivid
dreams! What a strange pregnancy symptom. I wake up thinking that really just
happened, that Luke Bryan and I really just played cards together and took a
bunch of selfies. I still haven’t had any food cravings! How weird is
that? You hear pregnant women have all
these weird cravings and I don’t! Which is fine, because I have ZERO
self-control. I have lots of food aversions and eat mostly vegetarian because I
don’t really want meat.
We graduated from the
fertility clinic at 10 weeks and it was incredibly sad. I cried leaving the
office. Our clinic has been such a blessing in our lives. I was in an out of
their office (sometimes several times a week) for nearly 4 months. They knew
me, and I knew them. I felt comfortable with them. They helped us get pregnant
and that is the best thing anyone could ever do for us!
I went to my first OB
appointment last week and it was really weird and I felt so out of place. I am
not a normal pregnant woman. Do I even fit in? I feel like I don’t. I still feel unworthy to be a mom and have a baby compared to all these other women who can get pregnant naturally. I cried the
morning of the appointment because I didn’t want to go to a new place where
they didn’t know me. I felt like I was treated like royalty at the fertility
clinic. I cried on the drive to the appointment. I wanted to go back to the
fertility clinic. I saw the baby and boy has it grown! He/she was moving all
over the place! I saw it do a complete flip! I am so excited to start feeling
it!! The Dr. let me have caffeine after being 11 weeks sober, and I am also
allowed to go back to my work out classes! The second I left the office I went
to the gas station and cried over a diet mountain dew. I am considered a high risk
pregnancy because of all the work it took me to get here. That’s not exactly
what I want to hear, but it makes me feel good that maybe they will take extra
good care of me and watch me close.
11 Week Ultrasound
11 Weeks Bump
12 Weeks, Size Of A Lime
12 Weeks Bump
13 weeks April 29 2018
13 weeks! This is
crazy. I am going to start every post with, “is this real life?” because it
still doesn’t feel real. I haven’t been sick in a while, hallelujah! I also am
past the starvation stage and have been back to my normal eating habits and not
eating 4 bowls of Special K cereal before
bed. Typically I go to bed at 11. This first trimester I have been going to bed
around 9-930 because I just can’t keep my eyes open. I think I might be getting
my energy back (hello second trimester!) I only took one nap last week and I
have been staying up later. I’ve been going to the gym about 2,3,4 times a
week, it really depends on how I am feeling but I am trying to stay as active
as possible so I can be healthy and strong. It’s all so great, pregnancy is
just wonderful, I truly am blessed. I thank the Lord every day for this miracle
and I hope to always always always be grateful, because I know what it’s like
to go without.
13 Weeks, this is mostly a food baby, at my brother in law's graduation party
The pets definitely
know something is up. Roxy will not leave my side. She is always right by me or
on me. I think she will be a perfect little fur-mama to our baby. She has been
pooping and peeing on the floor almost every morning! I asked my sister (she’s
a vet-tech) if it was because Roxy is getting old and can’t hold it or if she
knows there’s a baby. Her response “she’s just being a dick about it” hahaha,
so needless to say, this is Roxy’s response to changes happening. The cat has
been all over me too! Before, she would keep to herself downstairs and lately
she has been upstairs, following me everywhere and sitting near me. That’s
three fur-balls constantly following me, all.day.long.
We went to Cabela’s and
Chris parked in the Expectant Mothers Parking, and I almost wanted to cry. I’ve
always hated those signs, because infertility makes you hate everything and I
was so excited that I had waited so long for this.
May 6th, officially
in the 2nd trimester
Well, I survived the
first trimester and it was absolutely amazing! I still thank the Lord every day
for this miracle. I have learned that people will be idiots and say stupid
things to you, but you have to let it go. You can’t let anyone ruin your happy
time. I’ve waited years for this baby and I have been through a lot of pain to
get here and I am trying hard to not be hurt by dumb comments. I think some
people really just don’t get the pain of infertility and will always be
insensitive. But some people are also extremely nice about it and will give you
hugs when you don’t want hugs and buy you all of the food, it’s a balance. I’ll be 14 weeks in a couple days and I am
growing. I keep getting discouraged that I am getting fat, but I have been
eating fairly well and not “eating for two” like some women claim. You only
need 300 extra calories a day, so I have not been eating too much and I’m not using
pregnancy as an excuse to go crazy and eat what I want because I want to be as
healthy as possible, with the occasional donut or two. We go to our next OB appointment
in about a week and a half and a week after that we will find out the sex of
our little babe, (we think it’s boy.)
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